You’ve met a woman and are now experiencing this exciting, yet somewhat challenging, situation with her – your getting-to-know-you phase. This is the time after the first few dates when you get to know each other better, discover your similarities and differences, and figure out whether you’re suitable partners for a relationship.

Many men already feel butterflies in their stomachs and are newly in love. This is precisely why they’re afraid of making mistakes during the getting-to-know-you phase.

They fear doing or saying something wrong, which could cause them to lose the woman. Such fears prevent them from fully enjoying this wonderful time. Instead, they constantly worry and analyze every meeting, every conversation.

Am i right?

In fact, your concerns aren’t entirely unfounded. Major mistakes can trigger anger, frustration, and disappointment, which may then lead to conflict. In the worst case, the other person will lose interest and turn away from you.

But with my help, it doesn’t have to come to that! It’s up to you to reflect on your behavior and protect yourself from the most serious mistakes.

In this article, I’ll show you the 10 biggest no-gos during the getting-to-know-you phase – and explain why you should avoid such pitfalls at all costs. I’ll also tell you which behaviors will help you score points with the lady instead.

Why we men often make mistakes in the getting-to-know-you phase

The getting-to-know-you phase, with its four stages,  is like a test run for a potential relationship. You test whether your lifestyles are compatible, whether you have similar values, and whether you can imagine a future together.

It’s a time for sharing, observing, and cautiously approaching each other. You want to spend every free minute together, cuddling and kissing.

During this phase, both partners are often in a state of emotional turmoil. There’s excitement, butterflies in their stomachs, euphoria—but also insecurity and the fear of doing something wrong.

Men in particular are prone to making the biggest mistakes during the getting-to-know-you phase. Why? There are several reasons for this:

• They sometimes tend to think too rationally or let their desires and impulses guide them. Or they are too influenced by old patterns and bad experiences.
• Insecure men desperately want to do everything “right.” But this often leads them to become tense or behave unnaturally.
• Many people feel pressure to present themselves at their best when dating. They want to impress, please, and win over the woman. This pressure can lead them to pretend, exaggerate, or engage in behavior that is inauthentic.
• The deeper cause for the two points just mentioned is usually neediness, lack of self-esteem and, as a result, a great fear of loss in the getting-to-know-you phase .
• Some long-term singles have never had a girlfriend and have no idea how to interact with women. Something like the getting-to-know-you phase is completely new to these “absolute beginners .” This inexperience can, of course, also lead to awkward behavior.
• Family, friends, media and Hollywood romance films often convey a false, unrealistic picture of the rapprochement between the sexes.

Mistakes in the getting-to-know-you phase: Possible consequences

No one is perfect and does everything right in every situation. Minor missteps and disagreements are completely normal when dating. So don’t be too hard on yourself.

BUT: When mistakes start piling up or there are blatant boundary violations and no-gos during the getting-to-know-you phase, every woman’s patience eventually runs out.

The range of possible consequences ranges from harmless to devastating:

• If there are individual, less serious mistakes, the woman may point them out to you or have a more detailed conversation with you about them if she has the emotional or mental maturity to do so.
• Or she might simply accept that you have certain quirks that are part of your personality. Accepting your partner’s little flaws can be a sign of love .
• It becomes problematic if, as a man, you make too many and/or too big mistakes during the getting-to-know-you phase. Perhaps the woman will increasingly have doubts, slowly withdraw (with the excuse that she needs “time to think” ), and gradually let your relationship fizzle out.
• In the worst case, misunderstandings, disappointments, breaches of trust, and even hurt feelings can occur, destroying the foundation of a potential relationship. These mistakes can result in the woman becoming emotionally distant, losing interest, or even feeling betrayed.
• Serious missteps and absolute no-gos can also lead to an immediate break in contact and the end of the getting-to-know-you phase, meaning you never see each other again. This is very shocking and painful—but at least you know where you stand immediately.

You certainly want to avoid that, right? Because let’s be honest: We all want a partner with whom we can build a deep, fulfilling, and long-term relationship.

The 10 biggest mistakes and no-gos in the getting-to-know-you phase for men

What annoys women the most during this phase? Okay, let’s get straight to the point, because there’s a lot to discuss. Here are the 10 biggest mistakes and no-gos you should avoid during the getting-to-know-you phase:

1. Seeking too much closeness and clinging

Some men become clingy during the dating phase and would prefer to spend every free minute of their time with the woman. It’s these behaviors that quickly start to annoy women and seem “smothering”:

• constantly write WhatsApp messages or call
• Making accusations like “Why don’t you answer?” when the other person is slower
• immediately reply to every message and generally available around the clock
• constantly asking for a meeting and would like to see each other every day
• plan the next three dates at every meeting
• spontaneous visits as a “nice surprise”
• Extending meetings for a very long time, according to the motto: “Oh, I’ll stay for a few more hours or until tomorrow at noon!”
• generally show too much interest, for example by giving gifts frequently
• neglect your own hobbies and friends
• react jealously when she meets her friends

Clinginess can also mean continuing to bombard the woman with calls, messages, and date requests even though she has already signaled that she is busy or needs time for herself.

Why do men do this?

At its core, it is about the issue of emotional dependency.

Common causes of this mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase include insecurity and fear of losing the woman, or the need for validation. It can also be a sign of low self-esteem if you believe you can only keep the woman by constantly being around her.

Sometimes the clingy behavior is also based on the desire to maintain control over the situation and to bind the woman to him.

Often, newly in love singles seek constant closeness to satisfy their desire for love, sex, and affection. Inexperienced men, especially those with long-term “abstinence,” can tend to cling desperately to their future partner in the throes of love. The woman then becomes like a kind of “drug” that they can’t get enough of.

How does the woman feel about this?

Acting clingy during the getting-to-know-you phase comes across as needy, restrictive, and unattractive – especially to introverted women who need a lot of alone time. This creates the classic proximity-distance problem that also occurs in relationships. Your partner feels pressured in everyday life, increasingly withdraws, and soon loses interest.

Furthermore, people who are constantly available quickly become boring. Having too much is never interesting, right?

At the same time, your excessive fixation on the woman signals to her that you’re putting your own needs aside, that you’re dependent on her, and (in extreme cases) that you’re giving up your own life for her. She gets the impression that you no longer have any interests of your own. That’s not exactly attractive!

Ultimately, she might wonder if you are even capable of being an independent person and having a healthy relationship.

What’s more, if you’re almost becoming a stalker, the constant feeling of being watched and controlled can cause her stress and discomfort.

How do you do it right?

You can correct this mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase by keeping some distance. A woman should enrich your life, but not be your sole purpose.

Give her enough space so she can breathe and miss you. Don’t contact her constantly; instead, give her a break for a day or two. This means you have to start making yourself scarce . The motto is: “If you want to be respected, make yourself scarce.”

During your time apart, continue to pursue your own hobbies, interests, and friendships instead of neglecting them. Show your chosen one that you are an independent man and have a fulfilling life—even without her. Be confident in yourself and exude self-confidence.

If you are just beginning to get to know each other and have not yet agreed on exclusivity, you can date other women at the same time to break free from “oneitis” .

A positive side effect: If the woman ultimately decides against you, you won’t be quite as hurt and disappointed. Why? Because you haven’t invested as much emotionally in your relationship and haven’t put all your eggs in one basket.

2. Setting a pace that is too fast

Some men can’t wait to commit to their partner. They’d love to unwrap their engagement rings after just five dates, or start planning a wedding and starting a family right away.

Needless to say, this kind of behavior comes across as pushy. This mistake in the getting-to-know-you phase includes:

• exaggerated compliments ( “You are the woman of your life!” ) and premature declarations of love
• want to enter into a committed relationship immediately
• Demanding exclusivity when dating, even though the other person is not yet ready to commit to a single partner
• Desire to introduce the future “daughter-in-law” or “wife” to family and friends immediately
• prematurely referring to the other person as “my girlfriend,” “sweetheart,” or “my partner”
• talk too early about topics such as moving in together, starting a family, etc. and want to make far-reaching plans for the future
• make a completely premature marriage proposal

In extreme cases, men in love surprise “their” woman with declarations of love, desires for a relationship or even marriage proposals at the beginning of the getting-to-know-you phase, even though they hardly know each other yet.

Why do men do this?

The high speed is often driven by impatience, a desire for quick security, or a need to “hold on to the woman.” The man wants to “seal the deal” as quickly as possible.

The male “gate fear” can also play a role here, when one fears missing out on the opportunity to marry and start a family at an advanced age.

The reason for speeding things up is often the fear that the woman will otherwise move on to someone else. Or the desire to define the relationship immediately to dispel insecurities. Sometimes it’s also an attempt to impress the woman with grand gestures and thus win her over more quickly.

In addition to fear of loss, naive Hollywood movie romanticism can also be the banal reason for this mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase. You feel deeply in love – and after a short time, you’re absolutely certain you’ve found the “right one.” Instead of waiting, you want to get married right away.

How does the woman feel about this?

The fast pace puts pressure on the woman, making her appear insecure, desperate, and needy. She feels overwhelmed, constrained, and overwhelmed. She also feels like you don’t really know her and aren’t respecting her need to take her time.

Rushing into a relationship often gives the impression that you are more interested in the idea of ​​a committed relationship than in the woman herself.

Your partner may also be afraid of rushing into something during the getting-to-know-you phase that they might later regret. Nobody wants to buy a pig in a poke, right? It’s not for nothing that they say you have to check each other out thoroughly before committing.

Ultimately, she might wonder if you are even capable of having an adult and mature relationship.

If she feels pressured, the rapid pace of getting to know you will usually result in her distancing herself and keeping her distance. You risk alienating the woman before you’ve even gotten to know each other properly. This will achieve the exact opposite of what you actually want!

How do you do it right?

Don’t pressure the woman into anything. Present yourself as a relaxed man and take things slowly. Don’t try to force anything. Enjoy the getting-to-know-you phase and give your relationship time to develop naturally.

It is important to adapt to the other person’s individual pace.

You have to find the right balance, a healthy middle ground: Express your feelings and your fundamental openness to a relationship, but don’t overdo it. Be authentic and honest, but avoid overwhelming the woman with your future plans.

Leave the engagement rings in a drawer at home for the next few months and don’t even use words like “relationship” or “sweetheart” (as a form of address).

3. Too slow a pace and keeping the woman waiting forever

It is the exact opposite of the two mistakes mentioned above in the getting-to-know-you phase: as a man, appearing (consciously or unintentionally) disinterested, leaving the lady in the dark, and moving at an extremely slow snail’s pace in the dating process.

So it naturally happens that over the course of weeks or even months you hardly get any closer to each other and the process of getting to know each other doesn’t really progress, even though you may have already had sex on the first date .

This problem may include the following behaviors of the man:

• long radio silence – hardly contacting them and only replying late to their WhatsApp messages
• never suggest a date on their own initiative and rarely agree to a meeting
• overall show far too little initiative and remain passive
• dating other women for a long time in parallel to keep several options open instead of committing exclusively to one
• keep the dates or messages superficial, do not have in-depth conversations and reveal little about yourself, so that the other person hardly gets to know you better
• only want casual sex , but do not enter into any obligations and keep the lady waiting on the partnership level
• leaving the woman unclear about what you want, not defining a relationship and not giving a clear answer to the famous question “What is this between us?” ( so-called “situationship” )
• never talk about a possible future together and never offer her the prospect of a partnership
• hiding important things, remaining emotionally withdrawn and keeping secrets (see also mistake number 6: poor communication as a man!)
• not integrate the woman into his life, let alone introduce her to family and friends
• Keep dates short, for example, by not spending the night together , not doing anything outside of bed, and disappearing before breakfast in the morning

The extremely slow pace as a mistake in the getting-to-know-you phase can lead to a total standstill, so that there is no longer any joint development.

Why do men do this?

There can be very different motives behind this distant and wait-and-see behavior:

Often, men have doubts about the relationship and are therefore hesitant to get closer, commit, and make a clear commitment. They prefer to keep all options open, wait, and see if the woman is truly the right one for them.

In this way he tries to gain time to make a decision.

Of course, there is also the general phenomenon of commitment anxiety among men, who fundamentally fear closeness and quickly distance themselves as soon as things get “serious” in the getting-to-know-you phase.

The aforementioned doubts and fears can also lead to the intention not to give your potential partner false hope. You’d rather not send her too clear signals about a relationship, so as not to disappoint her if you ultimately decide against her.

Other men deliberately act distant to make themselves more interesting and increase their own attractiveness. They often believe they have to do this because they supposedly wouldn’t be exciting enough with normal behavior. Such manipulative games include, among other things, the so-called ” three-day rule ” for texting on WhatsApp .

In addition, there may also be a certain degree of convenience and dishonesty behind the delaying tactic: The man doesn’t actually want anything serious – but is afraid of losing the woman if he tells her openly and honestly that he really only wants a friends with benefits or a purely sexual relationship.

In this way, he creates a situationship and continues to give the woman hope for a stable relationship in order to keep her on the hook as his “bed bunny.”

How does the woman feel about this?

Of course, men who make themselves a little (!) scarce seem more interesting. As long as this flirting game remains within a healthy framework, it’s not a mistake in the getting-to-know-you phase.

But excessive distance signals disinterest, noncommitment, and a lack of respect. The woman feels strung along, unappreciated, and eventually loses interest out of frustration and impatience.

The stalling tactic creates the impression that you are not ready for a “real” relationship or that you do not take the woman and her needs seriously.

Ultimately, the other person feels insecure, disappointed, and frustrated. They may wonder if you even know what you want, or if you’re being completely dishonest and just playing games. This behavior can also lead them to question their self-esteem and wonder what’s wrong with them.

If there’s only sex but no real intimacy, women often feel trapped in a (hopeless) situation they don’t actually want. They then get the impression that you’re hiding something and keeping your true intentions under wraps.

How do you do it right?

Do you really want to risk losing a good woman because you’re acting like a distant macho and aren’t ready to commit? By making this mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase, you’re missing out on the opportunity for a fulfilling relationship. You’re staying in your comfort zone instead of embarking on something new and exciting.

Don’t be pushy, but don’t overdo it with making yourself scarce. It’s uncool to not check in on WhatsApp for days and not reply to messages for ages.

Show sufficient interest in the woman by writing to her regularly, responding to messages promptly, and even suggesting a meeting yourself . Your dates shouldn’t remain superficial or non-committal, but should be characterized by deeper conversations and emotional intimacy.

The other person should get the feeling that there is regular progress in your getting-to-know-you phase and that you are not standing still.

If you have any doubts or fears of commitment, communicate them openly to create a certain level of understanding in the woman and alleviate her insecurity. If you don’t want a serious relationship at all, but just casual sex, you should also be honest about that so the woman knows where she stands.

Only this honesty is fair to her. If she knows your true intentions, she can then decide for herself whether or not she wants to get involved in the casual affair.

4. Overthinking

For some men, their thoughts are constantly spinning – especially if they’re already in love with the woman or suffer from certain commitment issues. Overthinking is definitely a mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase, because it’s emotionally draining, can dampen the mood on your dates, and often leads to further mistakes.

Specific problems here include the men affected constantly having unnecessary doubts about the relationship, or the opposite: an exaggerated fear of loss. This can manifest itself in analyzing every message from the woman and constantly wondering if they’ve done something wrong. If she’s in a bad mood on a date, they immediately fear the worst: a breakup. Or they imagine other horror scenarios of how the relationship could fail before it’s even begun.

Typical thoughts when overthinking can be:

• “She hasn’t responded on WhatsApp in a while. I wonder if she’s angry or has lost interest?”
• “She was so weird on our date today. Did I say/do something wrong? Is this the end between us?”
• “What if I’m just imagining things and things aren’t really a good fit between us?”
• “Am I even good enough for her?”
• “Can I perhaps meet another woman who is an even better match for me?”
• “What if she suddenly decides to date another man at the same time? Or what if she goes back to her ex-boyfriend?”

Often you spend hours pondering such questions without finding answers and without there even being a real problem.

Why do men do this?

Overthinking during the dating phase is caused by excessive worries, fears, and doubts. These often arise from negative (dating) experiences in the past, low self-esteem, or the fear of not being “good enough” for the potential partner.

It could also be due to perfectionism or the desire to maintain control over the situation by thinking through all possible scenarios.

For long-term, inexperienced singles, fear of loss also plays a role. They overly value the woman, become completely emotionally dependent on her, and believe she’s their only chance to finally find the love they’ve longed for. In extreme cases, this escalates to the point where they feel they “can’t live” without her.

How does the woman feel about this?

All that overthinking is such a big mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase because it’s not just happening in your head. You’re also radiating it, so other people notice!

Overthinking leads to insecurity, self-sabotage, and unnatural behavior. The woman senses your insecurity and feels uncomfortable as well. This dynamic often prevents you from enjoying the moment on dates and engaging with each other without worry.

Your doubts also unsettle the woman and give the impression that you don’t trust her. At the same time, it can be exhausting to constantly be confronted with your worries.

Fundamentally, being too intellectual can block important emotions for both of you. If you don’t connect enough on an emotional level while dating, it will hinder sexual attraction and prevent your partner from falling in love with you .

The woman might ultimately wonder whether you are even capable of having a relaxed and carefree relationship.

How do you do it right?

You should try to stop this carousel of thoughts. Otherwise, you’ll make yourself unhappy and sabotage your chances of a relationship. You’ll live in constant tension and fear. This means you’ll miss out on the beautiful moments of getting to know each other and won’t be able to enjoy this time.

Try to assess the situation realistically and free yourself from unfounded worries and fears. Ask yourself:

“Is there really a problem here, or are my thoughts just playing tricks on me again?”

Trust your gut feeling, the facts/evidence available, and the woman. Mindfulness exercises can also help (Google the term!). Focus on the moment, clear your mind for a while, and enjoy the getting-to-know-you phase.

Accept that there are no guarantees in love and that it’s okay to feel vulnerable.

Also, work on your self-esteem and be prepared to lose the woman again if she ultimately decides against you. Become emotionally independent of her—she’s not the only one you can be happy with.

5. Constant dates without intimacy and closeness

Many men can have deep conversations, but they don’t know how to approach a woman physically. They’re afraid of being “too pushy” and thus making an unforgivable mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase that ruins everything.

Because of this concern, there are regular meetings without any touching, kissing or sex.

The result of this reticence is that shy men are perceived as nothing more than buddies and eventually end up in the friend zone . Unless you’re a go-getter, you’ve probably experienced this scenario yourself.

Why do men do this?

The main reasons are shyness, insecurity and naive-romantic ideas about the process of seduction in the getting-to-know-you phase.

The men affected are afraid of rejection and rebuff because they fear, for example, that the woman will avoid being touched and block a kiss (which can happen sometimes and is completely okay).

In general, many shy men lack knowledge about how to flirt , signal romantic interest, and establish physical intimacy. They often believe that things like intense conversation, dinner invitations, large bouquets of flowers , gifts, or helpfulness are enough to win women over .

Behind the physical restraint there is usually also the desire not to scare away the beloved and the fear of being perceived as intrusive.

How does the woman feel about this?

If there’s never any physical contact, your dates will develop more of a friendly character . Sure, you’ll have a good time together, but your female partner won’t feel any sexual attraction. The butterflies in her stomach won’t stay, and she’ll soon see you as just a good friend, not a partner for a relationship.

What this mistake can also cause in the getting-to-know-you phase:

Many women feel insecure when you don’t send clear signals and flirt properly. They wonder if you’re actually interested and attracted to them, or if you just see them as a “good friend.”

Some girls also interpret the lack of advances as a sign of discouragement and “weakness.” If they want a confident and dominant partner who, as an alpha male, stands up for his sexual needs, this fearful hesitation is a major negative (if not a deal breaker).

How do you do it right?

If you’re already on this friendly path despite being in love, you urgently need to get out of the friend zone . Seize the opportunity that hopefully still presents itself! Otherwise, you risk the lady seeing you only as a friend and looking for another partner.

Witnessing her falling in love with a “competitor” (and sleeping with him instead of you) could be very painful during the getting-to-know-you phase.

Slowly build physical proximity on your dates, for example, by touching her arm, hugging her, or holding her hand. Show your interest by complimenting her and looking deep into her eyes.

In another article I explain how to initiate the first kiss on a date .

Always be respectful in your advances and pay attention to the woman’s signals . Slow down if she doesn’t like a touch . Flirt subtly and create romantic moments.

Flirting aggressively is important. Conversely, you shouldn’t rush into kissing and sex with a woman. And if the initial introduction and conversations are otherwise superficial, the impression can quickly arise that you’re only interested in a fling rather than a serious relationship.

6. Poor communication as a man

Many of us men aren’t exactly masters of communication when it comes to interpersonal and emotional topics. Not being able to have good conversations is a common mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase, creating misunderstandings and hindering a deeper connection.

Poor communication includes many different aspects:

• not opening up emotionally enough and hardly talking about feelings
• conversations are mostly limited to superficial small talk (job, hobbies, “How was your day?” chatter, etc.)
• Exclude topics such as one’s own past, wishes, needs, future plans, etc.
• generally avoid any difficult topic – or constantly complain about negative things (which then ruins the mood on the date)
• talking too much about yourself, not listening properly to the woman and hardly asking her questions to get to know her , which signals disinterest
• Dishonesty, lies and the concealment of important information – or revealing all personal secrets too quickly
• bombard the woman with questions as if in an interrogation, while almost never talking about yourself
• Lack of empathy in conversations, especially when dealing with emotionally difficult topics (e.g., when she talks about problems in her past)
• constantly talking about the ex-partner or dates with other women
• lack of seriousness, constant joking and communicating too often ironically or sarcastically to protect oneself from vulnerability

Remember: open and honest communication is the basis for any healthy relationship.

If this is missing during the getting-to-know-you phase, you won’t get to know each other well enough, the relationship will remain superficial, and no real trust will develop (or it will be lost). Too much negativity, joking around, or talking about exes will also have a deterrent effect.

Why do men do this?

The reasons for this mistake in the getting-to-know-you phase are relatively easy to recognize:

Often, men haven’t learned how to talk about their feelings. They’ve been taught that they have to appear “tough” and strong on the outside. At the same time, in many action films, we see the dubious “role model” of the grumpy, taciturn macho who ultimately conquers the most beautiful women with precisely this mysterious and fascinating way.

However, many guys are also afraid of showing themselves vulnerable and making themselves vulnerable when they talk openly about their feelings or their past. They fear appearing “weak” and “unmanly” instead of conveying masculine strength.

Another aspect: Male singles who only want sex are often afraid of sending the wrong signals about a relationship by talking too deeply about emotions.

Often, there’s also uncertainty about HOW to talk about feelings. Men simply lack the words and practice to express their emotions clearly.

Especially when someone is very cerebral and more interested in technical and manual topics, they often find it difficult to communicate about matters of the heart. The man may be able to perfectly describe how a car engine or the repair of a dishwasher works, but is completely helpless when it comes to explaining his emotional processes and feelings.

How does the woman feel about this?

Your counterpart quickly gets the impression that you are not really getting to know each other better and that no deeper emotional connection is developing.

If you’re too reserved during the getting-to-know-you phase, she’ll feel like you don’t trust her and don’t want to share your life, your emotions, and your thoughts. You’ll remain a mystery to her, almost like a stranger, and she won’t feel enough trust either.

She will wonder why you can’t open up to her – and whether there are dark secrets or serious problems in your life that you are hiding from her.

The other extreme is not exactly attractive either:

Talking too much and too negatively during the getting-to-know-you phase is a big mistake. Women can quickly suspect that you’re just looking for a “soul dumpster” and a “therapist.” Being bombarded with whining will also make the other person feel bad after such conversations.

She will also seriously question whether you are ready for a new relationship or whether you need to work on your issues on your own first (because, for example, you are still too attached to your ex).

Listening and showing empathy are equally important when getting to know someone. If you’re “deaf” to their stories, problems, and needs, they won’t feel understood or valued. They might think you’re not a suitable partner for them because you’re not attentive and empathetic enough.

She may also think that you are not seriously interested in her and want to keep your relationship superficial because you are only interested in sex.

How do you do it right?

You urgently need to work on your communication skills if you’re making certain mistakes during the getting-to-know-you phase. Otherwise, you’ll miss the opportunity to build a deep connection. You’ll remain emotionally distant and risk the woman moving on to someone who communicates better.

Be open and honest in your conversations, but don’t overdo it. Share your thoughts and feelings, but also listen attentively. Ask insightful, deep-talk questions and show genuine interest in the woman.

Also, don’t be afraid of appearing “unmanly” or showing “weakness” when you open up emotionally. As long as you don’t become a total complainer while talking about problems in your life, everything’s fine. Always signal that you’re tackling your challenges and solving the problems! This is a sign of great strength in a man.

Talk about your needs and desires, but also respect the woman’s. Practice empathy and try to understand her perspective. This will make her feel safe and respected with you, and she’ll be more likely to see you as a “candidate” for a committed relationship.

7. Pretending and putting on an act

Another common mistake men make during the getting-to-know-you phase: They pretend and aren’t authentic, slipping into a false role. It’s as if they’re just wearing a “mask” and putting on an act instead of staying true to themselves.

This can include various behaviors:

• Showing off your job, money, car and other status symbols
• play the super cool and strong guy, even though you are not like that at all
• feign certain characteristics perceived as “masculine” (e.g. dominance, leadership, calmness, humor, etc.)
• hide sexual inexperience, especially if you are still a male virgin
• telling boastful stories that are exaggerated or even completely false ( “I once saved a puppy from the street at the very last second so that it wouldn’t get run over by a car!” )
• Wearing a particularly elegant outfit on a date , even though you don’t normally wear such clothes
• Feigning knowledge and education that one does not actually possess in order to appear particularly intelligent in conversations

The aim of such behavior is, of course, always to conceal supposed “weaknesses” and to impress the woman in order to conquer her.

Why do men do this?

This mistake in the getting-to-know-you phase is often rooted in low self-esteem – combined with the fear of not being accepted for his true personality and of being “not good enough.” The man wants to appear “perfect” and please the woman at all costs, even if he has to play a role to do so.

In addition, such inauthentic actors often have the belief that women are very demanding when choosing partners and are only interested in men who fulfill certain ideals (things like muscles, money, status and an exaggerated, clichéd masculinity in the James Bond style).

If you can’t meet these supposed criteria, you just have to fake it to convince the lady, that’s the idea of ​​these guys.

How does the woman feel about this?

Most women have a very keen sense of whether a man is being honest and authentic or feigning something during the getting-to-know-you phase. The woman will quickly become suspicious and get the feeling that something isn’t right with you.

Faking a personality will sooner or later literally lead to disillusionment. The woman will sooner or later find out the truth on your dates – and then feel lied to and betrayed. Any trust you may have built up to that point will be instantly destroyed (or at least severely damaged).

Furthermore, she’ll feel like she doesn’t really know you at all, but only knows your fake mask. “Who is this man, anyway?” is the burning question.

At the same time, your partner will wonder why you even need to lie and realize that you’re not at peace with yourself. Regardless, a relationship based on tricks and deception obviously has no future. The foundation is missing.

How do you do it right?

Have the courage to drop the mask to correct this mistake during the getting-to-know-you phase! It’s exhausting to always play a role, and it prevents the woman from really getting to know you. Furthermore, you live in constant fear of being found out and lose touch with yourself. You feel uncomfortable and unhappy.

Instead, stay authentic and show yourself as you truly are. Become more self-confident and embrace your strengths and weaknesses. Remember: A woman who truly loves you will accept you as you are. Nobody is perfect.

And if she doesn’t like your true personality? That’s okay, too! In that case, you’ll quickly find out that you’re not compatible, and you can end your getting-to-know-you phase . This will do both you and her a huge favor. Afterward, you’ll have the chance to look for a partner who’s a better match for you .

At the same time, you should also work on yourself and develop into a more attractive man if you still have major weaknesses that scare off many women.

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