Today’s Valentine’s Day brings sadness to many singles who long for a relationship. There’s a logical reason why people are unhappy in love. It took me seven years of my life to understand this. What you experience in love is a reflection of the love you’ve learned. 

The difference between what you want and what your subconscious wants…

You can really want to have a serious relationship, to get married—that is, be ready to commit—and at the same time subconsciously be afraid of commitment. 

What is the better guide to love? Emotion or reason? – Anna Todd

This may seem contradictory, but one is based on your desires and longings, your projection into the future, and the other on your past experiences. This is called a love pattern.

To find out what your subconscious mind has recorded from your past experiences, you should look at your “results” in love.

For example, if you attract men who are emotionally unavailable or unwilling to enter into a serious relationship, it means that you yourself have commitment issues. I’ll explain why.

We repeat what we don’t repair

What is a love pattern?

A love pattern is a limiting belief you have about love. An inner conviction that your subconscious mind recites as “true” when confronted with love. You’ve internalized this belief so deeply that you no longer question it or are even aware of its existence.

You’ve had certain experiences throughout your life and recorded them in the form of patterns or concepts about love. If they convey a positive vision of love to you, they can be helpful. However, if you have a negative attitude toward love, they can be limiting. In my free webinar , I’ll explain how a love pattern develops.

Find out what the unconscious price of love is for you

The origins of your love patterns can be diverse and very different:

Your childhood

Many love patterns have their origins in your childhood—in how you received love from your mom or dad, but also in how you perceived your parents’ relationship model.

Your femininity

Your personal experiences with femininity. For example, whether you think it’s beautiful to be a woman or whether you sometimes feel unfair to men. Or whether or not you love your female body. As cliché as it may sound, this can stem from your birth or even precede it (were you desired, did your parents want a boy instead of a girl…).

Your surroundings

Your thoughts and desires regarding love can simply be influenced by the society in which you live, your cultural environment, and your social circle, such as family, friends, or work colleagues.

Your experiences

And finally—of course—your thoughts about love can also depend on your past experiences: your experiences with relationships, intimate affection, unrequited love, or betrayals of trust. 

So you see, to understand what the unconscious price of love is for you, you need to look for the cause or causes and make a thorough evaluation of your past.

Use the day of love to do this inner reflection

First ask yourself:

• How did you perceive your parents’ relationship? Whether they were a good role model for you or one you’d rather avoid?
• Where does your mother stand in relation to your image of the ideal woman? Are you afraid of emulating her model?
• Do you repeat certain patterns in your relationships? For example, if you always fall in love with partners who don’t want to commit, have mostly long-distance relationships, or relationships where your partner isn’t truly free (they’re still grieving…)
• Whether you have often experienced situations involving a breach of trust.

If you ask yourself the right questions, you’ll also find the answers to how to sustainably change your love life. So start now, and who knows—maybe you’ll be in good company next Valentine’s Day 😉