Is it really love or just a fling? Will he break up? And how could this even happen? Anyone who falls in love with a married man has as many questions in their head as butterflies in their stomach. Clear communication is key now. Here are some tips for a situation that touches more than just two hearts.

In love with a married man: The most important things in brief

• Infidelity during a marriage is so-called adultery and is also punishable.
• It’s up to the married person alone to resolve the situation. But you can help. 
• The most important thing is to communicate clearly and clarify questions. 
• Do you want a relationship? Or just one of you?
• Be clear about what you mean to each other and what happens next.
• You, too, who are cheating, should be aware of the consequences – whether it is just for your wife or even for an entire family.

Love is blind. Sometimes it’s so blind that you simply overlook the shiny gold wedding ring. Or you want to overlook it. He’s married. And you’re in love with a married man. That’s a fact—not a simple one, nor a rare one. But one that raises many questions. Here are the answers: 

In love with a married man: am I to blame?

Anyone who is in love with a married man will probably not only ask this question themselves, but will also encounter incomprehension, accusations and admonitions from their closest confidants.

This much is certain: As a free single, you have nothing to blame, and you’re neither a witch nor a vagrant. You’re human. And falling in love just happens. Bam, Cupid’s arrow hits you backwards, and you see the world in rose-colored glasses. When the heart speaks, the head takes a break.

So it’s not about how this could have happened and how much blame you have, but what you do now. 

What to do if you fall in love with a married man? 

There’s no right or wrong in this situation—it’s too individual for that. There’s also the question of whether you have something going on with the married man, or whether you’re just in love and it feels like a ticking time bomb that something will happen. 

You alone must decide what you consider good and right. Empathy can also help here: Try to put yourself in the man’s wife’s shoes. You, too, are hurting or destroying something. Not just a marriage, but perhaps even a family. 

No matter how badly he speaks of her, infidelity in a marriage is considered adultery. It’s primarily up to the husband to resolve the situation, but you can help by communicating clearly and giving him an ultimatum: It’s either her or me. 

In love with a married man: Will he break up with you?

Being in love is one thing, planning for the future is another. If your love is to have a chance, he has to separate from his wife. Whether he will do that is the biggest and most important question for many women. But it’s also one you have no control over.

Because whether your married lover will separate from his wife depends solely on how he feels about you and how much he cares about his marriage.

Ultimately, he has to decide not only for you, but also against the other woman. As a rule, no one makes such a decision overnight. Especially not after many years of relationship or marriage.

That’s why you should be aware of one fact: A divorce is not just a decision, but also a process with ups and downs .

In love with a married man: Should I break up?

Separating from his wife is one way to bring closure to the romantic turmoil. But you, too, can end the  affair and clear things up.

Whether you do this depends, once again, on only one person – yourself. Only separate from your married lover if you believe it is the right thing to do.

However, abusing a separation as a means of pressure to divorce his wife would be the wrong motive.

In love with a married man: love or adventure?

Anyone who’s in love asks themselves this question. Anyone who’s in love with a married man asks it even more. Have you really found true love, or are you just getting carried away?

Does he love you too? Or is he just looking for an adventure outside of the marital bed? Of course, doubts easily arise, especially for a married man. Especially if he’s not considering divorce. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s no love involved.

After all, he has a big decision to make. It’s only logical that he won’t make it overnight. Whether he’s fair to his wife is another matter.

In love with a married man: Should I tell his wife?

This question, too, is neither easy nor has a general answer. The fact is: When someone finds out that their partner is cheating on them, it destroys everything. You should be aware of this consequence.

On the other hand, everyone has a right to know how they’re being treated. It’s a question of conscience that everyone has to answer for themselves. Perhaps it’s helpful to consider the motives behind going to the cheated wife.

Do you simply want revenge? To ease your conscience? Or to offer your wife clarity? What drives you? And how do you assess your motives?

Why am I in love with a married man?

The fact that you fell in love with a married man is probably Cupid’s fault. But if you keep falling in love with taken men, it’s probably not the fault of the god of love.

If you noticeably only have eyes for men you theoretically can’t or shouldn’t have, there may well be an unconscious behavioral pattern behind it. There are many psychological causes and explanations for this. Whether it’s a fear of a real commitment, an unconscious competitive mentality toward other women, or a completely different motivation, only you can determine.

In many cases, support from coaches or psychologists is helpful in gaining clarity and finally breaking the curse of married men. Because, at the end of the day, everyone wants the same thing: to find a partner for life.