We encounter the word “toxic” almost daily: whether in conversations or on social media. Seemingly, everything that doesn’t suit us is toxic. Relationships and people are also quickly labeled as toxic. But what does that actually mean? When can we truly speak of toxic relationships? We’ll tell you what you need to know about this small word with seemingly huge significance.

Toxic – that’s how everything in our lives seems to be these days. Even relationships are quickly labeled as toxic if behavior isn’t right. This is because toxic behavior doesn’t have a clear definition.

While there’s no single definition for toxic relationships, they can often be identified by manipulative or boundary-crossing behavior. This can occur physically as well as emotionally. Often, it’s slow, insidious, and so subtle that we sometimes barely notice it. Here are common signs and tips that may indicate a toxic relationship.

Disclaimer : Every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s important to look at the relationship in a differentiated way. This depends primarily on how long this toxic spiral has been going on and how your partner is otherwise behaving. A conversation with a psychologist can help you.

What is a toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships are those that restrict us over a long period of time. This is especially evident when you often feel worse after a meeting than before. You feel like the relationship is draining your energy instead of doing you good.

Are you often sad, insecure, feel misunderstood, or even belittled by your partner? In short: Are you more unhappy than happy in your relationship? Then you may be in a toxic relationship.

What is a toxic person?

“You’re such a toxic person.” Statements like these are hurtful and shouldn’t be made lightly. Toxic behavior is often not specific to a specific person, but rather connected to a dynamic between two or more people. Just because someone has done something you don’t like doesn’t necessarily mean they’re toxic. People exhibit toxic behavior when they exploit, insult, threaten, or are extremely selfish over a prolonged period of time.

Sometimes “toxic people” are concerned with exercising power. They strive for a dominant position by exerting strong control over people and situations. It’s not uncommon for them to make their partner dependent on them.

Frank Urbaniok, an expert in forensic psychiatry and psychology, also says that toxic behavior can be much more far-reaching and can manifest itself in a variety of ways within a relationship. “There are many problematic personality profiles that can lead to transgressive, toxic behavior in relationships.”

The following points may indicate toxic behavior, but the list is by no means complete:

• A feeling of grandiosity of one’s own person
• Low and fragile self-esteem
• Dependent on external admiration (to stabilize and enhance self-esteem)
• Lack of empathy
• Manipulative behavior
• Tendency towards exaggeration on the one hand and devaluation on the other
• Willingness to use violence (both psychological and physical)
• Increased jealousy

Have you experienced violence?

People who experience violence in their relationships often find themselves trapped in a cycle of violence, unable to break away from their partner. Women are often affected by this. Mr. Urbaniok advises not to take this lightly. If violence occurs repeatedly, the following thought is a warning sign: “If I report it, I’ll irritate my partner, and then things will get even worse.” This thought is a sure sign that it’s time to report it immediately to break the vicious cycle and establish boundaries.

How do I know if I’m in a toxic relationship?

In many cases, it’s not until later that you realize that your relationship is toxic. The following 8 points can help you assess the state of your love.

You are solely responsible for everything

Arguments and disagreements occur in the best of relationships. In toxic relationships, however, the partner is made to feel solely responsible.

If you are always the only person in the relationship who is supposed to be responsible for the happiness and unhappiness of the relationship, this can indicate a toxic relationship.

Your physical activities change

Toxic behavior in relationships can also alter the intimacy between you. This can manifest itself in very different ways, says Mr. Urbaniok: “It’s possible that the joy in it diminishes, or, on the contrary, it’s repeatedly used to cover up problems.”

Your vital sources are being stolen

Vital sources are all the things—hobbies, other people, or characteristics—that make you happy in life. If your partner gradually spoils these things for you, speaks badly about them, disapproves of them, or otherwise tries to shield you from them, this can be considered toxic behavior.

You can’t be yourself

You almost never say what you really feel, instead trying to give an answer that will keep your boyfriend or girlfriend happy. You do this because otherwise you’ll be put down. You no longer wear your favorite dress because the person you love finds it too provocative. Do you often feel uncomfortable in their presence? Then this could be a sign of a toxic relationship.

You argue often and very strongly

Arguments are part of life – and part of a good relationship, too. After successful resolution, disputes can actually bring couples closer together.

The dynamics of arguments can be an indication of whether you are in a toxic relationship.

There is too much drama in toxic relationships

Too much arguing is also bad. Making a mountain out of a molehill? Whether it’s a minor argument that gets blown out of proportion or perhaps your being a few minutes late that’s constantly being held against you, if your counterpart makes a huge drama out of everything, it will cause lasting damage to your relationship.

You are no longer happy

Shared joy is double joy – but not in toxic relationships. In such constellations, the partner’s joy causes anxiety, especially when it doesn’t originate from the relationship, but stems from the partner’s own independent experience. Successes and pleasant experiences are therefore less shared.

Your health suffers

If you’re in a toxic relationship or exposed to toxic behavior for an extended period, this can also affect your mental and physical health. “Over time, a toxic relationship often leads to symptoms such as increased nervousness, sleep disturbances, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal, and even depression in one of the participants,” says Mr. Urbaniok.

Can a toxic relationship be saved?

Whether and how a toxic relationship can be saved always depends on how willing partners are to dissolve these toxic structures. Another important question is how much both people in the relationship truly acknowledge their part in the difficult dynamic—and how willing they are to take responsibility for their part.

What happens after a toxic relationship?

What happens after a toxic relationship is very individual. It may well be that you can’t completely cut off contact overnight. However, it’s very important that you prevent and protect yourself from the possibility of further manipulation and boundary violations. Therapeutic support can also be very helpful in such situations.

It is also important to engage in therapeutic support to address the question of which patterns may be causing you to repeatedly find yourself in such relationships.