Whether you’re newly in love or have been together for years, these questions for couples should be asked in every relationship – at least once. This way, you’ll not only get to know each other better, but also learn what connects you and how you can shape your future together.

It’s not questions about whether the laundry has been done or whether the trash has been taken out that a relationship needs to thrive. Questions for couples need to be deeper and personal. But above all, relationship issues should get a couple talking regularly. Because if communication falls by the wayside, love often dries up too.

Relationship questions that every couple should ask each other

With these relationship questions, you’ll really get to know each other—again and again. Have fun answering them!

• Questions for the beginning of a relationship
• Questions about communication and trust
• Questions about personal characteristics and development
• Questions about role models and comparisons to others
• Questions about the future and sustainability of the relationship

Before you ask yourself the questions

Conduct the conversation openly and honestly, without forcing each other into certain roles or behavioral patterns. Both of you should feel free to answer honestly. If you or the other person doesn’t want to or can’t answer a question, that’s okay. Don’t pressure each other into answers, and respect each other!

Questions for the beginning of a relationship

You can ask your partner these questions when you first meet. This way, you’ll not only get to know each other better, but you’ll also notice whether you share similar values ​​and ideas that can promote a long-term relationship.

1. What are your core values ​​and life goals?
2. What are your expectations of a partnership?
3. How do you deal with conflicts and what do you expect from me in these situations?
4. How important is personal space and freedom to you in a relationship?
5. Are there boundaries I should respect?
6. How important are routines or spontaneity to you?
7. What is your relationship like with your family and friends?
8. What does loyalty mean to you in a relationship?
9. How important is honesty to you and how do you deal with untruths?

Questions about communication and trust

These questions about communication and trust will teach you more about your understanding of privacy and how you want to interact with each other. You’ll also learn how to deal with your partner’s insecurities and how to resolve conflicts constructively.

1. Do you think a couple should share everything or does everyone need a certain amount of privacy?
2. Is there a topic you don’t like to talk about with me?
3. Are there things or topics where you can’t fully trust me?
4. Do you dare to confide all your wild dreams to me?
5. What does loyalty or infidelity mean to you?
6. Are there things or characteristics about me that make you feel insecure?
7. Do you think arguments in a relationship always have to be bad? Or can you also emerge stronger from them?
8. Do you think conflict is generally acceptable in a relationship? If so, to what extent?
9. What should we do or how should we behave if we cannot reach an agreement after an argument?
10. Do you sometimes feel misunderstood by me?

Questions about personal characteristics and development

These questions promote self-reflection and mutual understanding. They illuminate personal boundaries, desires, and fears. You’ll learn what connects you and what each of you needs for a fulfilling life. They help you determine whether your needs and expectations for the relationship align.

1. Are there any characteristics or aspects of yourself that you don’t like at all?
2. Do you have goals that you really want to achieve in your life?
3. Are there things you are uncompromising about?
4. Where are you vulnerable?
5. Can you say you are completely happy? Or what do you lack to be completely happy?
6. What are your sexual desires and dreams?
7. Am I touching you too much? Or too little?
8. What is the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship?
9. Do relationships that are no longer physical work?
10. What qualities do you love most about me?
11. What characteristics bother you about me?
12. Do you sometimes feel neglected or even unloved by me?
13. Is there anything you would like more support from me with?
14. Have I ever hurt you without realizing it?
15. Are there any characteristics or topics where you cannot fully trust me?
16. Have I ever embarrassed you?
17. How important is independence to you in a relationship?
18. Is there anything you couldn’t forgive?

Questions about role models and comparisons to others

These questions provide insight into your partner’s ideas about relationships. You’ll learn about your individual backgrounds and ideals and whether you share common goals.

1. How did you perceive your parents’ relationship? Did they do anything particularly wrong or right?
2. Is there a couple you envy for their relationship?
3. Is there a couple that, for you, is the absolute example of what a functioning relationship shouldn’t be like? What are they doing wrong?
4. What have we learned from our previous relationships, and how do we apply this knowledge to our current relationship?
5. Do you believe in true love?
6. In your opinion, can there be eternal loyalty?
7. Why do you think the divorce rate is so much higher today than it used to be?
8. How do you know that a relationship is over?
9. Do you think marriage is part of a committed relationship?
10. Do you think it is necessary for couples to always live together?
11. What do you think changes through marriage?

Questions about the future and sustainability of the relationship

These deeper questions encourage introspection and connection within your relationship. Shared dreams, learning opportunities, and reflection on the dynamics between you help strengthen your bond and understand each other even better.

1. Is there anything in our relationship that gives you a bad feeling or even makes you afraid?
2. If a fairy godmother could grant us one common wish, what would it be?
3. Is there anything that could bring us closer together?
4. In your opinion, what can one do to protect a relationship from everyday life and keep it exciting?
5. What do you think is our greatest common strength?
6. And what is our greatest common weakness?
7. Why do you think we fell in love with each other?
8. In your opinion, have you changed me during our relationship?
9. What can we learn from each other?
10. What three keywords would you use to describe yourself and what words would you use to describe me?
11. Is there anything about our time together that you regret?
12. What was the best moment in our relationship for you?