The first date is the most exciting of all, because all the possibilities are still open. Will this encounter be a disastrous story to be told to your friends and colleagues? Or could this encounter be the first of thousands? If you don’t want it to be a horror date, a good conversation is essential. But which questions go down well? And which topics are guaranteed to put a foot in your mouth? Tips for flirting and getting to know each other on a first date.

So there you are, sitting in a restaurant after two weeks of “messaging” on Tinder. You’ve already gotten through the general platitudes about the weather and work, and suddenly it’s quiet. Uncomfortably quiet. All you can think of are bad conversation topics, like your last terrible date , the guy who ghosted you , COVID-19 , politics—yawn…

A good date depends on an interesting conversation. After all, your conversation determines the first impression. We’ve compiled some good conversation topics and reveal which questions will blow your partner away – and which ones you’d better save for your next date.

10 questions for the first date

Would you rather X or Y?

Would you rather… are perfect opening questions to break the ice. They also quickly develop a conversation. Would you rather live in the city or the countryside? If your counterpart disagrees, this question invites discussion.

What is the most beautiful place in the world for you?

This question allows your date to talk about their travels and what shaped them. Is it perhaps a park that evokes childhood memories? Or a travel destination? Your date’s answer is an invitation to their happy place.

What are you particularly proud of?

This question allows your date to talk about their successes. What life decisions have truly made them happy, and why? Your date can present themselves in a positive light while remaining down-to-earth; after all, they’re just answering your question.

What scent would you like to have with you forever?

Is it the scent of pine trees because it reminds you of a carefree vacation in France? Or the aroma of Grandma’s freshly baked cinnamon rolls? Smells evoke memories. Your date can surely tell you a story or childhood memory.

What was the last problem that gave you a headache?

This question gives you insight into your date’s personality. Does the person tend to see problems in everything? Or are they more solution-oriented? What kind of problem was it that bothered your date so much, and how did they solve it? This is sure to lead to an interesting conversation.

What do you regret?

You’ve already broken the ice, so it’s time to dig deeper. But this question requires empathy. Listen to your date compassionately; after all, it’s not easy to talk about defeats and bad decisions.

When was the last time you cried?

Toxic masculinity is out. Anyone who acts tough and doesn’t show their vulnerability may not be at peace with their feelings, and that could be a red flag…

What is the nicest compliment someone has given you?

There are certain phrases that really touch you. Does your date compliment you on a character trait or your taste in music? The nicest compliment I’ve ever received: “You chop onions with so much love.” That was something different.

What did you learn recently?

Maybe your partner knows a new vegan recipe you can try or has a tip on how to save electricity. Or your date has a life lesson they can share with you. The possibilities are endless.

What are you grateful for today?

Hopefully, your date won’t respond with, “For meeting us”—that would be uncharming and too forced. There are also wrong answers to even the best questions. However, asking what you’re grateful for allows you and your date to recap an intimate moment from the day. Moreover, according to positive psychology , gratitude is the key to happiness and might just 

These questions are a no-go on a first date

Why are you still single?

Asking why someone is still single is almost as creative as the icebreaker question on Tinder: What are you looking for here? The answer to both is something like: Man, if only I knew. Of course, you can mean it in a positive way, along the lines of: Someone as great as you can’t possibly be single. But it can also backfire. The question implies that it’s not okay to be single . Or even worse, that there’s something wrong with the date. What kind of answer do you expect? You can only lose with a question like that.

Why did your last relationship fail?

While it can be important to talk about exes over the course of a relationship, it’s actually a bad topic for a first date. It could be a real trigger for your partner, and past relationships may be filled with painful memories. Exes can become a topic of conversation once a deeper foundation of trust has been established.

How many people have you slept with?

There’s simply no “right” answer to this question, and it’s nobody’s business. Maybe there were a lot of people, maybe there weren’t a single person – but with this question, you’ll quickly ruin the mood of your date.

What do you earn?

Talking about your job on a first date is perfectly normal, after all, it usually makes up a large part of your everyday life. However, asking about your salary might give the wrong impression. The person asking immediately comes across as pushy and materialistic.

Where do you think this relationship is leading?

This question comes across as desperate on a first date and puts the other party under extreme pressure. You haven’t known each other for long, and even if you might want to know if your date is just looking for a one-night stand or something serious, this question can quickly ruin your future.

Do you meet with others?

That’s also a legitimate question. At some point. But it’s inappropriate for a first date, because the person doesn’t have to account to you at that point. As your relationship becomes more serious, you can discuss whether you want to meet other people or date exclusively.

What is a deal breaker for you?

It actually seems like a nice question, but it can put you in a difficult situation. Because if you know a person’s no-gos, you might be deliberately pretending. For example, if a person sees smoking as a deal-breaker, then you shouldn’t smoke secretly. Instead, be open about it, and if it’s important enough to you, quit.